see-through faith

… then outsiders would know us by our love!

Today I’ve been blown away by the generosity and love of Christian friends.

Last night just as I was putting the finishing touches to my thesis my computer blew up. I’m still hoping to get the data out of the hard disk but my computer is no more … I had done a back up of the thesis on Thursday night so it could have been a lot worse.

Today

• I’ve been hugged and prayed for by friends who love me and feel my pain
• I’ve been temporarily lent a pc by one friend
• another offered to contact someone to check on the harddisk recovery (though hubby’s friend had already offered to try that first thing tomorrow)
• another offered to lend me their computer longer term if I need
• another is sorting out English software to install in the new pc that I will have to buy
• and another has been scouting around finding me a model I can afford
• and there have been generous offers of financial help too.

Friends, you know who you are – thank you for all you’ve done for me/my family!

What a testimony of love each that the body of Christ takes care of its own and extends God’s love in a myriad of ways. Today I’m so proud to be part of (and a grateful recipient of) this move of God.

I love Casting Crowns’ If we are the body … you can listen to it here.

was how I was going to start this blog – only to realise, ‘no, it’s only Wednesday’ …phew! A lot to get done this week and I’m lacking energy which isn’t a good combination.

I just went down to Åbo Akademi theological library to pick up another book for my thesis. This final re-write is proving to be a lot of hard work and I really haven’t got back into writing since my long break. I had hoped to finish it before my friend comes on Jan 27th but because I’m also working that week (substituting at school) I’m not sure I’ll make it.  I do have an extra ten days up my sleeve after she’s left before final submission but I hate running things to the wire …let’s see!

I have spent -well I don’t know how many- hours this week on my thesis

About five minutes ago I pressed send.  (yay!) A draft of my work is now winging its way to my tutor for his appraisal and feedback. It’s not finished by a long way but it’s a lot closer to completion than I dreamt possible two weeks ago.

The timing is great too.

Tonight I have some friends coming round to cook me supper. (Just have time for dog duties, clean the house and run to the store before I go swimming I think)

Tomorrow I’ll fast from the internet. A friend is coming round to pray over breakfast and I’ll have band (accountable discipleship meeting) as usual in the afternoon. Afterwards I’m going to sung evensong in the Cathedral. Anglican Synod (Nordic countries) is meeting here in Turku this weekend and that service is part of their programme. It’s usually very nice and this time probably even nicer than usual because while it’s still only the local ensemble (not even a choir as American Ruth keeps reminding us!) it will be held in the main part of the cathedral instead of the side chapel.

Saturday all the shops are shut. It’s All Saint’s Day here in Finland. Most people visit the cemetaries to light a candle for their loved ones. We don’t. But I’m hoping the weather will be nice enough to take a long walk with hubby and the dogs and also rake some leaves in the garden. In the evening I’m invited to an ‘Oktober Phest’ (grin) and promised to bake chocolate cake for that.

Sunday will be a bit different too.  There will be a bilingual Lutheran service – with the bishop of Europe preaching in English – over at St Mary’s and so that’s where I’ll be headed. Then DD’s Godparents (whom we haven’t seen for ages) will come for lunch.  No idea what I’ll make … but I need to decide today because, as I said, the shops aren’t open on Saturday this week.

Next week I’m substituting for my friend at primary school (Tuesday -Friday) and think I’ll go over to IKEA on Monday to buy a cheese grater if nothing else. Apparently they serve  good meatballs in the cafe there -and since TS has a free day from his work practice I’ve suggested that I treat him to lunch over there since he’s been so helpful while I’ve been buried alive up here in my thesis work. Let’s see!

So a busy – but relaxing – few days ahead. No more academic writing for a few days at least. I’m happy about that!

• Yesterday would have been my dad’s 80th birthday. Ouch. He died in 1997 – the same summer as Princess Diana and Mother Theresa – I don’t think there’s many days that go by without me thinking of him. The memories were especially poignant yesterday. I remembered celebrating both his 50th and 55th on the edge of Loch Lomand (in the rain both times!) and eating corned beef sandwiches with piccallily, how he was a chocoholic (even worse than me!), how we celebrated his 60th here with friends and how DD’s godparents bought him silly tiger slippers ..  Those little flash backs and snippets – I am thankful for them -but still they are not the same as having him around. I think of how proud he’d be of his grandchilden (TS and DD were only 7 and 5 when he died, now they are 19 and 17 respectively), I think how he’d think we’re crazy having the dogs but how he’d love them anyway, I think how he wouldn’t quite get my passion for theology and mission spirituality, but how he’d support me anyway, I think … I think … I think. And yeah the tears flow sometimes. Not those heart-wrentching sobs of 12 years ago, but he really was a good man, and I wish he’d lived a lot longer …
• The first of the pups ( a girl) leaves today …she’ll have a very long car journey over to eastern Finland this afternoon so the new owners are arriving at 3pm. Luckily I’ll be swimming then. I don’t do goodbyes well!
• The pups’ favourite sport at the moment is chasing the mop as I try to clean the floors, wish I could video it – it’s so funny (but hard to get it done!) Oh and they love chewing newspaper. You can picture the mess! I won’t miss that!
• I felt I finally got somewhere with my thesis yesterday and the day before – Hallelujah! May it continue!!! Chapter 1 and 2 are more or less finished. I’ll start chapter three next week. Tomorrow I’ll fast from the internet, all things academic, and have a day of REST (pups permitting)
• This morning I started using my light therapy lamp. I’ve felt the onset of SAD over the past week. I’ve been tired, exceptionally irritable and well out of kilter as they say. Hopefully this and the extra vitamins will help. Going out midday for a walk with the dogs is helpful too, and my friend and I have still managed to swim outside on Tuesdays and Thursday afternoons (warm water even if the air temperature isn’t much more than 5-8C)  and are going again today. Luckily the storm was yesterday – today looks pretty nice (if autumny) out. I’ve been raking leaves too (while puppy watching, that rascal little fella sneaked through the fence because the grass was greener on the other side!)
• I finished reading Star Gazing in bed last night. It’s a good – if light – read, but it also made me think a bit more deeply about how the blind ‘see’ the world. Unexpectedly it also dealt with the issues raised by abortion and termination because of an unwanted/unplanned pregnancy and abnormalities picked up by means of the amniocentesis test. I thought the author handled those issues well within the frame work of the novel. It also made me want to go back to Scotland – it’s 1½ years since I was last there so I’m overdue a visit. I can’t remember the last time I’ve been to Aberdeen – I’ d really like to see the Piper Alpha memorial and the Queen Mother’s rosegarden one day. But my next trip to Scotland will be – I hope – to the western isles. One of my fellow MA students owns a croft there, and said I could visit. Now where’s my passport …? (grin)
• Talking of Passports … the airline contacted me yesteday to say my November flight to the UK had been cancelled. So I had to reschedule and now I’m flying out a couple of days earlier than I originally planned. It means I get to see my friend in London, so I’m not complaining.  God is good!

It’s fantastic – and funny – to observe the UK’s response to the latest bout of winter weather. To be fair it’s been almost two decades since there has been such heavy snowfall in London and the Home Counties (those areas south of the capital and real commuter country!). The weather brought the SE of England to a standstill on Monday morning. Not one of London’s 80 000 busses was out on the road for the morning rush hour -not one!!! The reason? The snowploughs had cleared the main artery routes of snow, and in doing so had snowed in all the bus depots. Heathrow airport was also at a standstill until 5pm – because the snowploughs didn’t know where to move the snow to. It was all highly amusing – especially as I was in Scotland, where it was ‘business as usual’.

Today the rubber hit the road though – at least figuratively speaking. I’m currently* on a cross country train on my way to Derby for Ashbourne. I called my friends from the train when I boarded (on time!) in Edinburgh – only to find out that they are snowed in – and even the busses aren’t running! I’m hoping that will have changed by the time I get there – right now I don’t have a plan B – but since there’s no wifi on the train by the time I post this I will have – by the grace of God – worked something out.

Being up in Scotland hasn’t been the restful break I’d hoped for –nor have I been able to study as planned – but it has been good to see friends. It’s been a chance to practice double listening (observing and listening to them, more or less as a trusted outsider) and at the same time trying to listen to God’s promptings – but it has been spiritually and emotionally draining, so of course I’m hoping that I can get to Ashbourne ok this afternoon / evening and have a day or two of rest and relaxation, get my laundry done, and out of necessity back into the studying. One of the tasks for the next few weeks is to work on an online assignment (which looks so interesting) but will demand quite a lot too. I’m in a group with people I enjoyed working with at Cliff last week – and it’ll be interesting to see how this exercise pans out.

It’s been lovely to go out and about in Scotland. Last Sunday my friend and I walked from Gargunnock to Kippen (about 3½ miles one way) and enjoyed a wonderful roast beef lunch in the local pub (the local Scottish beef was excellent!) and then on Tuesday I went to Glasgow for the day with my Godson’s father. We didn’t even step into a shop!!! We visited three museums … the first was the museum of religion (near Glasgow cathedral)- well worth a visit – and then we went to the lighthouse. It’s a bit hard to describe but it’s a bit like Kiasma in Helsinki (a sort of modern art museum) and for me the highlight was climbing the Macintosh tower … marvelous views of Glasgow from which you got a real sense of the vibrancy of the city, and the fact that it’s a working city. We ended the day by nipping up (on the underground) to Kelvingrove – where Salvador Dali’s St John of the Cross is on show – and I managed to take a pretty decent picture of Glasgow university (will post it next week!) … I loved the way the buildings were caught by the sun!

I am due back at Cliff on Monday morning. Cliff is in the high peak district – so while the snow looks lovely I’m really hoping it all disappears very soon otherwise I’ll have fun and games getting there on Monday (or Sunday) and it will also prove tricky to get from there to Chester next Friday. My final weekend and few days are supposed to be in North Wales (again hill country!) so getting back to Manchester airport on Weds 18^th might prove to be challenging. Let’s see!

* God is good and works through people too. The roads were open and my friend kindly drove into Derby to pick me up from the station this afternoon so I arrived here at about 4pm. Met some very interesting people on the train as well. More on that another time …

I’m doing background reading for my dissertation and unearthing all kinds of interesting facts (from research done by the Lutheran church)

e.g. being able to get married in the church and become a Godparent are high motivating factors for youth going to confirmation training.

AND

today I read that the main reason for members belonging to the church here include

i) the possibility of having a church funeral ( 89%)
ii) the church maintains cemeteries (!!??!!) 90%

and interestingly,

iii) the church is part of the Finnish lifestyle (73%) … (there’s a separate blurb about why this is so – to do with Finnish being part of Russia until 90 years ago – and Finns were Lutheran , Russia immigrants were not!)

SPIRITUAL reasons come WAY DOWN the list (e.g. ‘the Church maintains the hope of life after death’ (56%) and ‘the church strengthens my faith in God’ (47%)

How this all fits together for my dissertation I don’t know – but I’m loving doing the background reading

I couldn’t sleep last night because I had cold feet. What’s with that, I wonder! In the end I capitulated and got up and put on socks. Is that another sign that I’m getting old?

I woke up with a headache too.

Advent has been remarkably un-stressed for me. That’s because I haven’t taken anything much on board. I really mean that. It was only yesterday that I bought the first Christmas gifts and the shops were amazingly un-busy and some had already started to discount some items (especially clothing) because most of the big Christmas parties are already history.

In Finland people (it used to be most people, not sure if it’s true anymore) used to spring clean before Christmas. I mean really spring clean. The understanding was along the lines that Christmas didn’t come if you didn’t clean out every closet and shelf, and behind every item of furniture! (It was fun to read the minister of the international congregation, Rev Outi’s column in kirkko ja me this morning as she laughingly wrote about this too!) All this to say our house will (at best) have had its normal flick over by next Wednesday.

Christmas will come anyway.

I love Advent and this year hasn’t been any different in that respect. But this year we didn’t have an Advent candle. I can’t imagine how I forgot that.

Christmas will come anyway.

Many people here really recorate their houses so beautifully this time of year. I love it. I picked up a key from a friend last night (I’ll water their plants while they are away on holiday) and in their kitchen window there was beautiful red candle arrangement,  burning brightly. It was lovely.

But we don’t decorate the house for Christmas ourselves, not really. We do put an Advent wreath on the front door each year. I did that as soon as I got back from the UK. And as usual, I’ve hung a beautiful cross stitch of a Christmas tree made up of the words ‘Happy Christmas’ in several languages (including Finnish and Swedish). My mum made that for me a few years ago and I love it.

And, hubby surprised me by putting up the lights outside on the spruce and on the porch – without me even asking. I was flabberghasted! (The ones on the tree were already glowing when TS drove me in from Tampere airport on Dec 5 – that was such a great surprise and a wonderful welcome home!)  But we’ve decided we won’t have a Christmas tree inside this year (unless DD really wants to do this!) We’ve always done it as a family, but then last year she went off to Japan and we didn’t bother. Some traditions aren’t worth resurrecting, I feel – not one of us likes putting the tree away …

and Christmas will come anyway

As I said I had a headache earlier this morning.

It’s not been caused by pre-Christmas stress but I have been really busy on one assignment for Cliff college.  For some now un-remembered reason I chose to write about the priesthood of all believers. and it’s ended up being a lot of work. Well no surprise there, all masters-level assignments are tough, but I’ve worked on it every day since I got back from England. And I’m pretty tired.

The assignment is due in early Jan but I set myself a deadline of a rough draft by the end of today. Yesterday I hit the 6000 word mark and that felt good. Then in the evening I re-wrote the introduction, and amazingly (to me at least!) I’m now pretty happy with that. (I’m often my own worst enemy!) This morning I start the re-write and editing of the second section. I usually like this stage of an assignment because that’s when my thoughts really start come together. Hope that’s true today too. This evening I’ll put a rough conclusion together, and then this baby gets backed up and put to bed until 27th.  I’ll try to have it all done and dusted by the 30th … let’s see.

But first Christmas!

Yesterday I wrote I was more in the Christmas mood after the 9 lessons and carols service – even more so today … when I finally hauled myself out of bed I found out that it had snowed in the night (about 12cm) and everything looks wonderful.

When I got home from swimming last night I came home to a surprise – hubby had hung the Christmas lights on the porch and car port. Given that he’s not really into things like that it really is an act of love, and I do appreciate it and him! (He’d already sorted out the lights on the Spruce in the garden while I was in England so they were a light shining in the darkness when TS drove me home from the airport on Friday, what a wonderful gesture on his part!)

My studies are going quite well. I’ve got a clearer idea about my dissertation, but frustratingly I can’t really get into it properly right now as I have an assignment due. It’s on the priesthood of all believers and last night I finished reading Stevens’ Abolition of the Laity which is a brilliant read. I skimmed another book too (gleaning for info) and today will pick up some others that I have ordered from Åbo Akademi theology library here in town. One of those in particular looks really helpful -let’s see.

So today it’s back to the background reading until I head over to ÅA and then my friend and I will go for a long walk with the dogs today. It’ll be lovely in the snow and I’ll try to take some photos if the sun comes out. (It’s still not light – though it’s 9:30am – and the skies look heavily laden, which might mean there’s still more snow to come – hopefully (please God!) it stays below zero now so that it stays and doesn’t all disappear again! That is so depressing!

Edited to add: Photos and also say that as you can see it stayed grey all day. It’s hovering around zero which means the snow is really wet and the streets are slushy … if only the temperature would drop there’s loads of stuff waiting to come down, it’d be great if it came in large snowflake form instead of rain or sleet. Let’s see … but my friend and I had a good walk and talk and the dogs loved scampering around by the river.

It’s gorgeous out there today. Cold (only +1C) but very sunny with amazing blue skies. It’s days like this I am most cross that I left my camera in the UK.

I managed to leave my gloves in a friends car on Friday too, though I couldn’t think where I’d left them when I looked for them yesterday. (I ended up borrowing a pair of DD’s for our walk!) When my friend’s husband called me last night to say that they’d found them I arranged to drive round there this morning to pick them up. That way I was also able to surprise him with a birthday cake, which was fun!

Since then I’ve been working on the conclusion of my assignment. (No I didn’t go to church today, I’m going to worship with my Kenyan friends later this evening!) How something which is only about 600 words long can take so much time (hours and hours) and effort is beyond me, but now at 3pm I’ve finally pressed save and print. Phew. The task tomorrow is to go through the printed version pick up as many of the quirks as I can find and eliminate those. Then I think I’ll call this a done-deal and send it off to England (electronically of course!).

There’s still plenty to do for my studies. I need to start researching for the next assignment. I’ve whittled it down to a choice of two assignments. One is on the role of laity and the other is on the question of relevence of the church.

The first would require a careful study of the doctrine of the priesthood of all believers (which could be quite interesting in itself) – it’s all too often taken to mean that  we don’t need priests or pastors and that everyone could do everything – yet I don’t think that’s the heart of the doctrine at all. What I understand it to mean is that all of us – in the body of Christ – have a unique part to play. The second assignment interests me because there is the crucial question as to how the church should be counter-cultural today and the issues of syncretism etc. Mmm. Choices, choices!

Even more pressing than the choice of my second assignment (due early January) though, is the question of my masters thesis. What on earth am I going to write about? What interests me?

My friend (in whose car I left my gloves) is very wise. She told me. Give your tutor ten possible topics. He’ll throw out eight of them. You’ll be left with two really good ones. Then you should choose the one you’ll be less bored with after working with it for a year or more. Good advice – but that means I need to find not one topic but ten reasonably good ones to start with. Ho hum!

That said I’m feeling pretty good. The comments from my pre-submission on the first assignment were very encouraging and more importantly helpful! I’ve been able to tidy up some of the messes already! I honestly don’t think the work will win me any medals – and that’s ok – because it’s going to be “good enough”, and as my young friend Elina taught me, good enough = good!

I’m off to Helsinki on Thursday for the Willowcreek Global Leaders Summit on Friday and Saturday.  That will be a really welcome change of scence and who knows maybe I’ll find something of interest there for my thesis. I’ll also get to stay with a friend (the lovely young lady who lived with us a couple of years ago) and that’s going to be lovely and such a lot of fun! I haven’t seen her since the summer (and even then that was really briefly!). I’m thinking of taking the slightly earlier train to Hki so I could do a spot of Christmas shopping. Maybe I can even persuade eija to meet me there for a cup of cofffe -let’s see!

Changing the clocks always confuses me. Last night I was ready to go to bed at 8:30pm! Of course my body was telling me that it’s already 9:30pm but even that is really early for me. Still going to bed that early, and the fact that it’s no longer pitch black at 7:15 (at least for a week or two!) made getting up early at least somewhat easier.

I’ve worked on my assignment for the best part of 12 hours now, but with little significiant progress. I seem to have mislaid my assignment writing mojo. This research paper is still messy, and quite illogical (at least in places) but I do at least have a very rough if untidy work that’s within the university limits (6-8000 words) so it’s editing and more editing from this point in, rather than basic research.

I’m hoping to get a lot of tidying done tomorrow, and some more coherence plugged in, so that I am able to presubmit it by Wednesday. We’re allowed to do this only with the first assignment in order to get a better feel for the standard that is required and also for some back up in all the silly formatting requirements etc. The system used by the university of Manchester (and therefore Cliff) is quite different to the one prescribed by Ashbury and adopted by the seminary in Tallinn. That is so irritating.

I love doing background reading, and while I don’t much like the writing of the assignments I do know that they help me crystallise my thinking. At the back of my mind though – all the time – is the thought ‘what on earth am I doing to do for my MA thesis’.  I read one work which was a comparision of the theme of love in Harry Potter as compared to 1 Cor 13 and I loved it. I also thought – wow – I wish I’d thought of doing something like this.  But that hasn’t brought me any closer to what it is that God is calling me to research. Interesting though the HP v 1 Cor 13 was (and it was so well written too) I think I’m almost certainly going to do something that has more practical value here in Finland. The question is what. Sigh.

I was given a prophetic word almost ten years ago. That was that God was calling me to be a lady-in-waiting. Sigh. That’s been so true for most of this ten year period that it’s not surprising that I am sick and tired of waiting. Waiting for God to speak, waiting for God to open doors, waiting for God to move. Yet waiting is what I am called to do right now – for this thesis topic, for my ministry and calling (whatever it it turns out to be) to open up.

So this song by Don Moen (which I’ve linked to before and still don’t know how to imbed a utube video here properly!) speaks to me again, and again and again. May I start to live and be blessed by the waiting instead of fighting it so hard! May you be blessed as you listen too.