see-through faith

I’m not a fan of evensong. It’s not that I don’t like it – but it’s often really hard for me to get into it, because so much of it is somehow non-participatory. It’s probably not meant to be understood or experienced that way – and so what I’ve just said is really a reflection on the kind of person I am.

Today I arrived at the cathedral for the Holy Communion service, only to find it was evensong as the minister had cancelled due to illness. My friend had tried to call me to warn me because she knows how I am about evensong (but I’d missed the call as my phone was on silent).  Today though I’m glad I missed the call. I might not have gone (and being really honest when I saw the ‘score’ when I walked in I almost turned tail and came home) and had I done so I would have missed something special. You see today I had a choice to make, focus on my disappointment or focus on God in spite of it. I chose to do the latter, and the service turned out to be a huge blessing.

The liturgy of evensong is different. Since I haven’t been to evensong in a long while it was somehow new and fresh again. We only sang three hymns. Two were old favourites that I like, and the middle one, while new was easy to learn. That’s a bonus. And the sermon was good. I could engage with it. Best of all I got to worship in English with a lot of people including some dear friends who moved away from Turku a couple of years ago now, and returned this weekend with their 9 month old son. What a joy it was to worship with them again!

Did I miss the Holy Communion? Yes. But today I met with God in other ways and like the leper who was healed, want to turn back to God and say ‘I am truly thankful’. Thanks be to God.

Only three days until we start the eyes of faith challenge – a challenge for you to find the Kingdom of God amidst your everyday life for a year, take a photograph of it and post it.

You can still join our challenge if you want to. It’s already proving to be a lot of fun in the run up to it and because we want it to stay fun we aren’t going to be prescriptive. If you miss a day (or two or three) it honestly isn’t the end of the world, though I’m going to try my best to post a photo a day until the end of August next year.

What do these colourful mugs say to you about the Kingdom of God I wonder …? You can find out what they said to me over here.

That’s what my friend asked over at Soul Survivor this past week … My initial reaction was. Help I don’t know how to twitter or tweet.

It struck me that as Christians we often assume that people understand what we are talking about when we talk about santification (ok so we make that a bit easier by using the term ‘getting saved’ but let’s face it what would that mean to anyone outside of the Christian circles we frequent?

You can read some of the tweets youth did send to Jesus over the past week here. It makes for interesting reading!

For this greying 50 year old I have to say that I think prayer is easier … but that’s only because someone took the time years ago to teach me to pray. If you feel up to the task and want to teach me to twitter and tweet, I’m up for that challenge too. After all I know Jesus has got my number

Now there’s a thought!

No, I don’t think I’ve ever taken my knitting to church. In fact it’s a long, long time since I’ve knitted anything, though it used to be a favourite pasttime. In a life gone by.

I read a post by David Muir earlier today, and it got me thinking.

I have mused … why our church leaders are so reticent to allow our present forms of church to be re-knitted into new expressions of church, rather than allowing them to be frayed into oblivion. Of course, it is a lot of work. But more than that, perhaps they just don’t know how to knit; the skill got lost in Christendom when the world was stuffed full of pullovers, and now we dare not allow a pullover to unravel because the truth is we haven’t a clue how to knit it back together. We only know how to darn the glorious old pullover inherited from the past and pass it down the generations, adjusting it a little for a new kind of wearer.

…

I am told that up to half of all people who find faith through Alpha courses never become long-term members of any church. Perhaps it’s because they don’t want to be darned into the old pullover, however cleverly that is done. They are looking for the old pullover to allow itself to be unpicked, and then to be knitted with them into a new one.

As I said it got me thinking.  I loved Alpha. It was really significant in my life as a fairly new believer. I loved the format – it really worked for me.  It was really interactive and I loved it that we ate a meal together and shared life.   Meeting with Alpha was a good and safe place to ask questions (and boy did I ask questions …on the way there/home (we car pooled), during the meal, during the teaching,  and by email between Wednesdays!).

It strikes me once again that one of my frustrations with church (when I was a leader, as well as now when I’m – well- not) is that it isn’t interactive. Church is often boring and passive, and I’m frustated because attending church right now isn’t helping me grow spiritually! Where I am is where I am. This is personal and yes a bit negative. Stop reading now if you are going to get offended.

I feel we are – in the main – all caught up in the three-point sermon + worship (whether a five hymn sandwich or an extended time of praise before the sermon). On Good Sundays there is – of course- the Eucharist. Now, to be perfectly honest I’m reacting negatively to (monologues maskerading as) sermons …  where someone spouts at you and there’s no space, time or culture of interrupting and asking questions. Honestly, sometimes it feels easier just to switch off! But I know I’m not growing and that’s so frustrating. Then there’s the coffee. (Where two or three Christians in Finland are … there is coffee!) That’s usually served afterwards in the church building, but that doesn’t come close to sharing a real meal in someone’s home.

And I know I’m not alone in my frustrations!

After having read David’s blurb today, I’m wondering today what unravelling I need to do, and when and how I’m to pick up the knitting once more!BTW the knitting picture wasn’t David Muir’s … it was sparked off by a comment that John Drane made

‘What we have is comfortable but frayed around the edges. Can pioneers knit it into a new shape to make Christian community of the future?’

I’m not sure I am a pioneer, but I can knit! And I do want to be part of a living, loving, vibrant body of Christ. That’ll do .., for starters!

This was the view from Vauxhall station yesterday. You can clearly see the headquarters of ‘The Big Issue’ in the background.

For those of you unfamiliar with BIG ISSUE, it is charity which since 2005 has produced the Big Issue, a weekly magazine produced for homeless people (and the vulnerably housed) to sell in order to earn a legitimate income. Even once housed vendors may continue to sell the magazine  for a while (they keep 50% of all sales) in order to be able to move away from the conditions which caused their homelessness in the first place. So it’s well worth supporting and I have to say I quite enjoy browsing the magazine too – especially the book and film reviews!

Since my friend moved here in South London (back in October) we have got to know one lady who regularly stands outside Tescos selling the Big Issue. We always stop to talk to her when she’s there, and try to buy the magazine once a week, (and in some ways I feel that IS just as important as supporting her financially!). What is so exciting is that she is slowly beginning to turn her life around – which is so encouraging.

There are so many homeless in this part of London that it really is heartbreaking. Although the homeless are much more visible in the winter as they roll out their sleeping bags or blankets and huddle in doorways or under the railway arches at nights, even during this heatwave in London  I have come into contact with many of them (although in fewer numbers). Just a week ago a homeless man (from the North of England) sat next to me on the bus. He was starving for conversation. He didn’t ask me for money (and I didn’t give any, though I wished I had had some food/drink in my bag to give him) but he wanted to talk to me about the book he’d seen me reading!

Last autumn some of you might remember I was privileged to help out at St Peter’s Vauxhall on the Robes Project. (There are very few possibilities to be missional in this way in Finland). There – while sharing supper with some of the homeless guys- I got to hear some of their stories of how they’d ended up homeless. There was a pattern of stories from Eastern Europeans (Poland, Latvia etc) which began to get to me. They, like the woman selling the BIG ISSUE,  had been lured here by companies who had no intention of keeping their end of the bargain in either the job they originally advertised or the conditions (accommodation etc) they had promised for the immigrant workers. These men and women had ended up stranded in London, in the coldest winter in centuries: they were jobless, homeless and without the fare to go back home.  My heart went out to them and still does!

The Big Issue foundation stands behind the belief that it is wrong for anyone to be without housing, to not have the support of others, and the most vulnerable in every society are worthy of our support. It’s well worth getting behind, even if it’s ‘only’ buying the magazine regularly from a local vendor.

AS I said though I do enjoy flicking through the magazine too. Today the editorial by Charles Howgego caught my eye. He writes

It’s 25 years since Live Aid, Bob Geldolf’s Wembley Concert that attempted to highlight the plight of starving Ethiopians by putting together the greatest line-up of pop and rock musicians ever

(I have to say that makes me feel SO old. It’s hard to believe it’s 25 years since Live Aid and even longer since Do they know it’s Christmas? (also a Geldolf initiative) hit the top of the charts!)

The editorial went on to say that Live Aid was one of the biggest global TV audiences of all time … and in one sense, I guess, it was a time the world came together around one issue  - one big issue – the plight of the starving people of East Africa. (This kind of global response to a huge tragedy was also see in the post tsunami efforts!) However, according to the editorial, Live Aid came and went: (although we surely remember it, and must recognise it has done untold good with the money raised, as well as challenging ordinary people that they too can do their bit to help the poor) and Howgego goes on to argue that BIG ISSUE  model of helping the homeless help themselves is a good one because it is sustainable and is infinitely reproducible in other nations (and a BIG ISSUE scheme similar to the one in the UK has just been launched in Korea, and is already up and running in other industrial nations such as Japan, Australia and South Africa where homelessness is rife). That really got me thinking!

All too often the papers (here) go on about people claiming thousands of pounds in state benefits (and it is clear that some people really do abuse the system, while for others -crazily- they find themselves in the position of being better off (financially) by choosing NOT to go to work!) … but the homeless are the people who fail to get any regular benefits at all because they are ‘of no fixed abode’ and they persistently fall through the gap. They really are the vulnerable in society, (and the orphans and widows the Old Testament told us to ignore at our own peril!)

It makes me so thankful that some in society have banded together to support the production of the BIG ISSUE, that advertisers are willing to place ads there (to finance it), so that the homeless can be given a job and a future, and that ordinary people -like you and me- can give a helping hand to help the homeless dig and claw their way out of the pit they find themselves in by shelling out the £1.70 to get the magazine. It’s not much, but it’s a start, and the smile of our friend outside tescos as she shared the stories of how she was turning her life around really put  a spring in my step as we walked home from the supermarket today.

God is good – sometimes we are called to extend his hands of love! What a privilege that is!

I love walking around in London. Today we caught the local train over to Putney (which used to be village further along the Thames). We went there around Easter and I loved it – so was happy to do a repeat visit.

Putney still has very much of a village feeling – with a small high street with pubs, shops and best of all secondhand charity shops which I love browsing, although today I came away with only one purchase: a book entitled Change the World 9-5, inspiring people to use their everyday actions to change the world. More on that later.

We went to Sally’s @ St Mary’s for coffee. Highly recommended! Last time here we shared a huge muffin oozing with lemon curd and white chocolate .. and today’s special was another mouth watering muffin with white chocolate and raspberries. Yummy. St Mary’s is an old church on the bank of the Thames (beautiful location), and there’s a very old clock with a special sort of sundial on the tower.

The inscription

‘time and tide wait for no man’

seem very appropriate amidst the hustle and bustle of everyday life in London, and right next to the very tidal river.

The tide was in today, in April we were able to walk on the sand – no chance today! – so we walked over the bridge into Fulham. (You can read more about that from my friend’s blog over at My Patch if you are interested)

While here in London I’ve been re-reading the Harry Potter books and watching the movies. So when I saw this photo (I had meant to take it to show the Thames Walk sign) I couldn’t help but think of the tunnel in which the dementors attacked Harry Potter and his cousin.

That happened in Surrey, which is kind of funny too, as I’m headed that way on Sunday evening. Hope I don’t run into any dementors though!

In spite of having been in London for a few weeks now (and on and off several times since November last year) I seem to be away on Wednesdays more often than not. That’s a real shame as Rev Jane runs a midweek Holy Communion Service (Wednesday Eucharist) over at St Anselm’s Lambeth at 10am  entitled Saints Alive! and I love it.

The service follows a simple liturgy  (opening prayers and responses from Candles and Conifers c Ruth Burgess, and the rest from the Archbishop’s Council 2000) but the sermon each week is based on the life of the saints whose feast day falls on / nearest to the Wednesday in question.

Today was St Margaret of Antioch, an early church martyr.

What I really like about the talk is that it’s more of an ‘explore this together’ than a talk from the front. There’s a brief summary of the life of the saint (pulling together what the group themselves might already know – today that was precious little!) and then in small groups we discuss a particular question. Today’s question was

‘Do you believe in C21st miracles?’

And some great thoughts came up from each of the three groups of four women. (Yes it’s a bit sad that there are no men who come on a regular basis!). The service concludes with the sharing of the bread and the wine, and then there’s tea and coffee, and there the discussion continues.

What I especially enjoy here in Lambeth is that the women who attend Saints Alive! are of all kinds …of all ages, married and unmarried, black and white and so on … there’s a real mix of ideas and experiences. Almost all have something to contribute to the discussion and they really love their young vicar, who has the terrific gift of not only recognising that each woman there is important, but helping each woman believe that of herself!

There’s an excellent series on BBC2 at the moment, which only started a couple of weeks ago, it’s called Rev and I have to  confess I think I’m already hooked.

This isn’t the first successful comedy based on the antics of the Church in England of course. When I was a kid Oh Brother (with Derek Nimmo) was one of my favourite shows, and more recently there’s been the Vicar of Dibley. Rev is a bit different though …

Co-created by and starring Tom Hollander, the inner-London setting is certainly a world away from the twee countryside of Dibley. Recently transferred from a tranquil Suffolk parish, the Reverend Adam Smallbone is faced with a church in dire need of repair, a nearly non-existent congregation, ultra-smug lay reader Nigel (Miles Jupp) who is clearly after his job, and an unsupportive Archdeacon (Simon McBurney) who is too busy attending celebrity book launches to offer any sort of guidance.

Rev is about the life of a vicar in an inner city parish church in South London. The very funny thing is that so much of it could really be based on some of the priests and congregations which my friend ministers in!

There’s certainly no trace of the “holier-than-thou” in Adam. Here’s a man who smokes, enjoys a drink (“Let’s say morning prayer, and let’s say it nice and quietly in case anyone here has a hangover”), has seemingly endless patience with resident nutcase Colin (Steve Evets), and tries mightily to turn the other cheek from the daily abuse hurled at him by a group of builders.

(Rev on BBC2)

This morning I attended the early morning communion service. There’s only a handful of people who go to it and it’s held in the side chapel. At the back of the chapel are a couple of sofas, which is where coffee is served after mid week services, or where the youth hang out after their time of worship on a Sunday. This morning there was a homeless man sitting there. He sat there throughout the whole service (about 40 minutes) but was actively involved and came up for communion and stayed around to chat with us afterwards. He clearly sees himself as part of the Church community and has attended faithfully every Sunday for a few weeks/months. He reminded me so much of Colin in Rev, although I don’t think he has quite the same relationship with the local vicar – at least not yet!!!

When I arrived in London two weeks ago a copy of this book was waiting for me

Priceless by Tom Davis

It’s a fictional story about the dramatic rescue of girls and young women who are caught up in the s-x slavery business in Russia, and is based on true life stories. As Natalie Grant (Christian songwriter) says

I applaud Tom’s courage in tackling this subject matter. While this is a fictional account, the s*x trade is a reality for millions of people.

I heard a really good sermon here in London on Sunday.

The churches here are much more political and community minded than those back in Finland. The Lambeth parish and circuit have been having a month of teaching on healing. Many churches I’ve been involved in / visited have had healing meetings, but the focus and emphasis here was very different. The topics tackled have included the healing of the nations (war, conflict, racism and violence) as well as the healing of mother earth (poverty, environmental issues etc). As the vicar, Alison, said on Sunday.

Making poverty history will become irrelevant because unless we do our bit against climate change and reduce our carbon footprint, poverty will become permanent.

Talking of politically minded churches … Just down the road from here Steve Chalk OBE (Anglican vicar) has launched a campaign STOP THE TRAFFICKING which tackles the very same issues as Priceless i.e. women and children (male and female) who are forced into the s-x business, indeed into slavery. Part of the campaign is to raise awareness of this very issue.

It’s so good to see not only individual Christians getting involved in making the world a better place, but churches too (and way beyond the let’s drink Fairtrade tea and coffee too!)

***

England is world cup mad. It’s all very exciting. Or was until England got knocked out by Germany a week or so ago. What the millions of fans here are far less aware of however is that lots and lots of women and girls were shipped into south africa for the duration of the camps to satisfy the needs of men in Pretoria, Port Elizabeth and other places where the matches were being played. Football truly has a seedier side.

Now, none of those men are likely to read the novel Priceless. It’s not aimed at them to be fair, and Priceless is definitely a ‘girlie’ type novel. Its primary readership will be Christian women, particularly Americans, some of whom will be from more conservative / fundamentalist backgrounds and therefore perhaps are less likely to read secular literature. But none the less it’s a good book with an important theme and deserves a wider audience.

The twist in the story is that while the heroes of the story have (some) faith, the (Orthodox) Church comes out smelling more like the fertiliser spread on the roses rather than the roses themselves.

The book has two parallel stories that of the photographer who gets caught up in the rescue operation and Marina an orphan who is freed. It’s very readable and the plot moves along quite quickly, with some very believable (and horrendously sad/scary) scenes in it. It does have a touch of Hollywood in that this episode does have a happy ending (and would make a good film), but the reader is well aware that this rescue was the tip of the iceberg and there are thousands of other women and girls (not only in Russia) still imprisoned, still s-xually abused, still trapped not only in poverty but enslaved to the perv*erted s*xual persuasions / addictions of others.

So what about the book itself?

I read the book fairly quickly -over a period of a few days, and was glad that I had the opportunity to read and review this. Any good review also lists a book’s shortcomings. So it’s only fair to say that what I didn’t like about the novel was the use of Russian in the dialogues (with translation into English in brackets). That was really irritating. It didn’t make the story more authentic for me. I didn’t learn any Russian because of it. And it slowed down the story. Worse, in some ways it felt that the author was simply showing off. Also, for those of us who do read a lot of secular literature, the plot lacked depth. It’s clear that the author’s goal was to highlight the travesty occurring over in Russia, but I felt there could have been more descriptions of what the girls were really being freed from, not in a smutty sense, but all too often it felt that this was the sanitised version as if Christian women could not cope with the harsh realities of what was really happening.

So 10 /10 for bravery in dealing with a topic that cries out for more public exposure, and over 7.5/10 for the book itself.

I’ve offered this copy to anyone who wants it. Several people signed up for the draw over at facebook (where I will also post this reflection) and I’ll draw it tonight. My hope is that this book will do the rounds, so that many women can read it (and then talk to men about it).

William Wilberforce stood up against slavery. Today we can, if we choose, stand up together to stop trafficking, which is, afterall, the slavery of the C21st.

More from the same friend

‘When hit by major life losses .. we must ‘work through’ them, not suppress them in an attempt to move on. Moving on prematurely carries the baggage of unresolved issues into future relationships and opportunities, inviting the past to repeat itself indefinitely.

What is the process of working through a life-altering loss? Understanding these two things will help you:

1)Grief is the natural reaction to loss. Grief ‘buried’ is unfinished business. In the guise of depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder etc it’ll constantly resurrect itself in search of resolution, even if it takes years.

2) Mourning is the work of ‘grief’.

God’s Word says ‘[There is ] ….a time to mourn …’ (Ecclesiastes 3:4 NAS). That means He’s appointed a season with a definite beginning and ending in which He intends you to do the fruitful work of grappling with your  painful feelings. How long does it take? As long as it requires - depending on how great the loss, how many additional losses it generates, and the spiritual, relational and emotional health of the mourner.  If we mourn scriptually, there’ll be ‘a time to dance’ again.  If we allow ourselves the right to weep, there’ll be ‘a time to laugh’ again. The process God designed ultimately produces healing and readiness to re-engage with life and the future.  You’ll either complete your grief or repeat your grief.  You’ve completed it when you can remember the loss without being immobilised by it!’ (emphasis mine)

When reading this earlier this morning the parts I’ve put in bold really struck me. (Duh! That’s why they are in bold!)

I think this loss is so bad/deep/disabling because a few years ago I didn’t deal with the set backs/disappointments in not being affirmed in ministry well enough. I didn’t do it, because I didn’t have the skills I needed back then. I didn’t do it because shame made me silent. I didn’t do it because I believed by keeping a low profile that the time would come that things would be ‘set right’. I didn’t do it because I believed in the Church, forgetting that -even at leadership level -  it’s made up of broken people just like me, who, for their own unique set of baggage, make mistakes and truth be told end up repeating those mistakes because they too lack the skills to break the cycle.

It all sounds very depressing when it’s put like that doesn’t it? But – as a new African friend in London puts it – God is still on the throne!

This time I’ve given myself time to mourn and grieve. I think that’s liberating in one way. I know I can’t stifle this or hold it all together even if my tears make people feel uncomfortable!

That has made it possible to rejoice in my friend being ordained last Sunday and another beign made a (actually my!)  local pastor this week too. I’ve been able to recongise each of these events as a bitter sweet situation. Their affirmation and recognition doesn’t come at my expense, but the reality is that they each have their own calling which is (finally!) being affirmed by the Lutheran/Anglican and Methodist denominations respectively. I’ve been able to rejoice with them and for them, and not be overwhelmed by own sense of loss- I think the beauty of that, is that that has helped me to avoid any bitterness, which I’m truly thankful about!

Of course I hate it that I am in the place where mourning and grieving is needed, but at least I’m able to recognise that I do need to do that. That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t want this period to end. Of course I do. I hate the tears and the lumpy throat. I hate it that my loss is still immobilising me. But I do believe the sense of loss is for a season, and there will be a time when I can dance and laugh again, and will simply go about the Father’s business (whatever that might end up being!) with an inner joy and peace. I’m not there yet. Not by a long way, but I know that that is the destination at the end of this gloomy tunnel … and for that shimmer of light I’m grateful.

Today here in Turku I’m also thankful for sunshine. It’s warm, it’s sunny and that helps. A lot.

But I’m even more thankful for friends:
friends with pastoral skills;
friends who love me (o matter what – no matter how much like a spikey hedgehog I am at the moment!);
friends who want to meet with me and will sit and share life with me (they are not afraid to share their own joys – which I’m glad to hear – and don’t feel they have to hide their sorrows either)
friends who choose to listen to me and my tales of woes too-face to face, over skype and by sms/gmail etc;
friends who remind me that God still loves me, still has a plan and purpose for my life, and who lift me up in prayer as well as hug me (in person or with virtual hugs).

You dear friends- you are the body of Christ.  You matter to me. Your input makes a difference! And I’d be in a far worse place without you. God is good. He is on the throne. And He’s given me you!