see-through faith

Wesley understood the means of grace. My friend just wrote an academic paper all about that so I know more about his understanding of that than I did a month or so ago.

For me the spiritual disciplines are, simply, those things that help me get closer to God. The are – in Wesleyan terms – works of piety (reading, prayer, Communion, Christian conferencing – i.e. hanging out with others etc) and also works of mercy (visiting the sick etc.) One of the things I like about Inspire is that they are brought together as mission-spirituality. The hyphen there is very important – it sort of pulls you away from either extremity and back to a point of balance. But I digress.

As I wrote yesterday. I’ve determined to read Romans 6, 7, and 8 daily during September. Today when re-reading it I was struck by the use of the senses.  In Romans 6 for example there’s phrases like ‘we can see where we’re going in our new grace-sovereign country’ (v 5) and ‘Thank God you’ve started listening to a new master’ (v.18). That was a new ‘catch’ for me.

But what really spoke was Rom 8:8. I’m using the Message btw

Those who trust God’s action in them find that God’s spirit is in them – living and breathing God! Obsession with self in these matters is a dead end: attention to God leads us out into the open, into a spacious, free life. (emphasis mine)

I want to live in that spacious, free life which is full of God. I want to live there again. And it struck me (not for the first time) that practising the spiritual disciplines really helps in that.

Another thing I’ve started doing is reading a devotional. My friend (the same one who wrote the paper) bought be a book (or should I say brick of a book) entitled Smith Wigglesworth: Devotional.  Today’s entry (actually it’s from Sept 4th but I’m a bit behind) concludes with this thought for the day:

It is when you get out of the will of God that you have a hard time.

I wasn’t quite sure how to interpret that at first. Then it hit me – we might have hard times for all kinds of reasons, but when we lose focus on Him we lose the ability to spend time with Him, and that makes the hard times really really difficult. Bad things do happen to Christians, but being in the will of God, I suppose, makes it easier to accept, easier to fight back, easier to hope …

I haven’t been much of a disciple recently.

Last week – for the first time in a long time – I picked up the INspire way of life.

Am I practicing the presence of God in my life?

ouch.

ouch – because the answer is ‘no, not really!’ And the real question from that is: what am I doing/ going to do about it?

Firstly I have to say that starting the photo blog eyes of faith has really helped. Getting out there taking photos on a theme might not sound like much, but it’s fun and it’s life giving and I’m enjoying it. Best of all, when back at home and seeing which photo God uses to speak to me has been really good – a kind of contemporary spiritual discipline I think. The revelations haven’t been earth shattering, but they have been significant – to me -  and for me they are evidence too of God’s prevenient grace still at work in me, still calling me to Him, still inviting me to fellowship with Him.

All good, but not enough.

John Wesley once said ‘preach faith until you receive it’

… well, as most of you know, I’m not preaching anymore  but it struck me that I maybe I need to adapt Wesley’s words and wrestle with the Word until I begin to believe it, embrace it, live it fully again. (or something like that!) … So from the first of September I determined to read Romans 6, 7, 8 on a daily basis. It’s already starting to bear fruit – all praise to God. I think being able to enjoy evensong, (i.e. put aside my own expectations and prejudices and allow God to meet me though the service) has been part of that.  It’s early days yet, but I think the thaw has begun …

In the Inspire Way of life seeing God is explained as

• A life of spiritual awakening
• A life of spiritual vision
• A life of spiritual attention
• A life of thanks and praise

And I want all that! (and more!) but I know it starts with a rekindled relationship with Him.

Yesterday at evensong we were reminded what it is to have an attitude of thankfulness, like the one leper (the foreigner) whom Jesus healed and who returned to thank Him. (Lk 17:11-19). Today I’m thankful for eyes of faith to see Him, and a heart of faith that wants MORE of Him in my life.

I’m not a fan of evensong. It’s not that I don’t like it – but it’s often really hard for me to get into it, because so much of it is somehow non-participatory. It’s probably not meant to be understood or experienced that way – and so what I’ve just said is really a reflection on the kind of person I am.

Today I arrived at the cathedral for the Holy Communion service, only to find it was evensong as the minister had cancelled due to illness. My friend had tried to call me to warn me because she knows how I am about evensong (but I’d missed the call as my phone was on silent).  Today though I’m glad I missed the call. I might not have gone (and being really honest when I saw the ‘score’ when I walked in I almost turned tail and came home) and had I done so I would have missed something special. You see today I had a choice to make, focus on my disappointment or focus on God in spite of it. I chose to do the latter, and the service turned out to be a huge blessing.

The liturgy of evensong is different. Since I haven’t been to evensong in a long while it was somehow new and fresh again. We only sang three hymns. Two were old favourites that I like, and the middle one, while new was easy to learn. That’s a bonus. And the sermon was good. I could engage with it. Best of all I got to worship in English with a lot of people including some dear friends who moved away from Turku a couple of years ago now, and returned this weekend with their 9 month old son. What a joy it was to worship with them again!

Did I miss the Holy Communion? Yes. But today I met with God in other ways and like the leper who was healed, want to turn back to God and say ‘I am truly thankful’. Thanks be to God.

That used to be the shout of the conductor when – for reasons never explained – the London busses termined before their original destination. That happened a lot in the 60s!

Today it was all change in our household! TS moved out. He’s started at the university and has got a flat in the student village. It was a pivotal moment for me – long expected and dare I say it awaited? – but as the van with his bed and sofa (bought with own money) pulled away – I realised the enormity of the moment. My first born is all grown up and no longer lives at home. A bitter-sweet moment for our family.

As I said all change. Not only because TS moved out, but because a dear friend moved in. Temporarily.

Also I’ve been tidying, cleaning and re-arranging. That means aching muscles tonight. And as I finally head for bed my thoughts are particularly with TS as he starts this new phase of his life.

a story of freedom and forgiveness … is coming to Turku soon (in Swedish – though there will be Finnish subtitles). I was priviledged to watch an open rehersal this evening at the Swedish theatre in town.

It bought back wonderful memories of a night nine months ago, when my friend took me to see it in London for my 50th birthday. Tonight – in spite of language barriers – the play, the music hit the spot again. God is good.

What was interesting for me was the way the rehersal was conducted. The director was so very encouraging to everyone, and also took time to explain to the audience what was going on (this wasn’t a dress rehearsal or one from beginning to end). He also asked for feedback from us. Receiving critque and feedback isn’t always easy, and I’m sure it’s harder still in front of an audience, but I thought the performers handled it well. The actor playing ex-convict Jean Valjean has a voice to die for. Sweet too was the little girl playing Cossette – who is not yet six years old.

When I woke this morning I was singing this song. It was a really wonderful way to start the day. It struck me then that somehow along the way I’ve lost the habit of listening to worship music at home, and the practice of soaking in the presence of God on a regular basis has slipped too. That’s something I want back …

A friend asked me what it is that I like about Beauty for Brokenness, or rather why it speaks to and ministers to me. I wasn’t sure how to answer that … I think it’s perhaps because it’s a very holistic song. It’s not particularly me focused, but rather contains the essence of mission-spirituality. It is a recognition that we are called by the mission of God to join in his mission … in works which bring justice and peace and hope to a broken world.

The chorus is lovely of course, but I especially like the second verse

Shelter for fragile lives, Cures for their ills
Work for the craftsman,Trade for their skills
Land for the dispossessed, Rights for the weak
Voices to plead the cause, Of those who can’t speak

It’s not enough just to sing this though, I want to live it.

A few months ago in my friend’s patch in London I heard what I thought was a rather radical sermon. The minster said something like ‘if you are buying fair trade products, that’s great. Keep doing it. But remember that’s only the start …’ I think that’s worth remembering.  We are to take baby steps, we are to begin practices that will help us in our walk as Jesus’ disciples … only in doing that, can we become mature enough to take bigger and bigger steps. Rome (London/Turku) wasn’t built in a day … but it started with a vision, and then one brick or stone placed in the right place, onto which other bricks and stones could be placed. Jesus is our cornerstone, (Eph 2:20) and our journey -our pilgrimage- begins with a small step.

…. no, not us (and not this blog either).

This week is a week of moving nonetheless. A year ago some friends of ours established what I best can describe as a Shane Claiborne type Christian commune Ödmjukhetens Palats. Five or six of them live in the same large apartment in Turku … only the lease has expired and they are looking for a new place.  I love what they have been doing there … they share life, and their door has almost always been open to anyone wanting to swing by and drink coffee (they make the best lattes in town) or in need of a listening ear and prayer.

Last night was the beginning of the end of an era as we helped one of the women from the palace move out.  It’s also the end of an era for us at home as TS will also move into a place of his own this coming week. He’s about to start studying at the university and managed to get a flat at the student village. Our house won’t be any emptier though, as a good friend will move into his room until she finds a new place of her own. So it’s all change.

This coming week will be packing and unpacking, cleaning and moving furniture … but at least I get to spend some time with TS’s girl today … shopping for a new kettle, toaster and coffee maker. Yay.

Only three days until we start the eyes of faith challenge – a challenge for you to find the Kingdom of God amidst your everyday life for a year, take a photograph of it and post it.

You can still join our challenge if you want to. It’s already proving to be a lot of fun in the run up to it and because we want it to stay fun we aren’t going to be prescriptive. If you miss a day (or two or three) it honestly isn’t the end of the world, though I’m going to try my best to post a photo a day until the end of August next year.

What do these colourful mugs say to you about the Kingdom of God I wonder …? You can find out what they said to me over here.

There are some who don’t think I’m a very good wife. I suppose it all depends on what your definition of a wife is, and what the expectations are. Since hubby doesn’t have many complaints, and since we are still together after 22 years, I’m probably not that bad of a wife (all things considered), although occassionally (and for financial reasons) he threatens to confiscate my passport and change the password on my amazon account (grin)

I started reading an excellent book a week or so ago. It’s by a favourite author (Margaret Forster) and it’s entitled Good Wives? Mary, Fanny, Jennie and me, 1845-2001.

Forster looks at the lives of three wives, all of important, prominent men (David Livingstone (missionary and explorer), Robert Lewis Stevenson (author), and Aneurin Bevan (Labour MP, Cabinet minister) and compares herself to them. The theme throughout is, not surprisingly, what is a good wife? but what was most interesting (for me) was the way at the end of each biographical section Margaret Forster writes a reflection, and evaluates her own experience of marriage (to author Hunter Davies) against the experiences of the other wives. It makes for fascinating reading.

Forster is a feminist, but not of the die-hard variety. What was interesting was that she had to get married, not because she was pregnant, but because they couldn’t rent a flat any other way. Only she didn’t (at first) really get married, but bought a curtain ring from Woolworths and passed herself off as Mrs Davies. In otherwords she was to all intents and purposes ‘a mistress … though I didn’t like that label either’. (p. 5.)

The quote that resonated most with me, reads

It is an urge, surely, felt by almost every wife at some point in a marriage – to get away, to think of oneself for a change, to escape all the domestic routines, and, indeed, to escape the husband however must he is loved, not to mention the children. All completely understandable, and yet somehow thought not quite the thing for a good wife to want to do even today.

I can so identify with that. And consider myself to be in a marriage where my husband and I both recognise my need to get away, and both love it too when I return.

Interestingly for me Margaret Forster herself, although totally approving of wives holidaying alone, never actually does it herself … what she prefers is having the house to herself for a while … but what she does have (and will not give up!) is her Saturdays.

Saturday is my holiday day, my weekly day off and I don’t want him tagging along. I want to be a single woman. … selfish woman that I am. I want to wander as a free spirit, changing directions as I change my mind, without having to discuss where I’m going and especiallly without having to think about eating [I can so identify with that!]. I want to sit on my own in parks and observe others, I want to go to plays and films and feel isolated among the audience, I want to walk miles and miles along the river, over the bridges, through the squares, an oldish invisible woman. I emphatically do not want to be part of a couple, a wife. No one notices me and that’s exhilarating. I don’t speak for the whole eight hours or so that I’m otu, except to ask for tickets and so forth, whereas, together, we never stop talking.

The lives of the three women Forster looks at are all very interesting, and to my shame, I knew very little about any of them, even Jennie Lee who was an MP in her own right. I’m not sure I agree with all of her conclusions, but I really enjoyed the book, particularly her reflections.

At the end of the book there is an epilogue, where Forster looks at the whole question of matrimony, particularly the church service. Hubby and I got married in a church here in Finland. We didn’t have the whole white wedding and expensive reception, but we did want God’s blessing on our lives together, and today, 22 years later, I still wouldn’t have had it any other way. I didn’t promise to obey him, but I did promise to love him and forsake all others for him (and he me). I think that is well in line with the spirit of what Paul writes to the Christians in Ephesus and Colossee . And I do believe God has smiled on our marriage over the years … for better for worse, for richer for poorer and in sickness and in health. Amen.

One of the wonderful things about having visitors from abroad is that it almost always opens my eyes to seeing Finland – my adopted homeland – again.

Right now we have a friend from England visiting us, and it’s been lovely. She’s twenty – so the same age as our son – but nonetheless my friend, because we met while I was over at Cliff college doing my MA. I find it a real gift from God that I can – and do – have friends across the generation gap, but it’s also nice when it turns out that these younger friends also become family friends, as sometimes happens.

As already posted my friend and I were invited to the rotary outing to Seili last Saturday, and then mid week (after my working for two days) we skipped off to Sweden on a minicruise. Both trips were a lot of fun. At the end of the week though, hubby took a rare couple of days off, and we headed up to Merikarvia (about 200km north of here) to his parents’ summer place.

Very many Finns have a summer place. Almost all of them are really rustic, primitive even, with outside toilets, no running water etc. My in-laws’ place does at least have electricity, but all the water, for example, has to be hauled from the well, and well it’s hard work. I think that’s one of the reasons hubby and I have never wanted a cottage of our own, and of course we know we can visit Merikarvia.It’s a sort of haven in the background, no matter how seldom I -at least – visit. This week was the first time this year, and last year I only went up there once as well. Earlier in the summer the mosquitos drive me indoors, and to be honest we have a beautiful home here with a great garden, and so, when I am in Finland (and admittedly that hasn’t been much this summer) I’m usually really content to be at home, and do occassional day trips to see friends and new places.This trip hubby took my friend and I out to sea. There’s a little uninhabited island that we’ve dubbed ‘Jack’s island’ because my dad used to love going there. We go there in a small, fairly typical vessel, with a 4 hp outboard motor, and it takes the best part of an hour to get there down the Merikarvia river and archipelago, so the weather needs to be relatively calm, which Thursday was (although it was cold!)

Tyrni (sea buckthorn berries) are native to these islands. They are full of vitamin C. But they aren’t usually ripe until mid September, so we were very surprised to see the bushes laden with berries ripe for picking this time. Sadly, we didn’t have any of the gear with us  to pick them (you need gloves at least, and it’s best to harvest them using tiny nail scissors so as not to spoil the berries (or the plants themselves))… next time …